Treatment towards one’s wife
In the Quraan Sharif Allah Ta'ala states,
خلق الانسان ضعيفا
The human being has been created weak
In Tafseer Roohul Ma’aani Allama Aaloosi R.A states that the male is weak in regards to the matters of women to such an extent that women are able to swipe men completely off their feet in-spite of his intelligence and abilities.
Another weakness that man has is that he is is unable to exercise patience over her deficiencies. He will always find fault with her and yell at her but at the same time he is unable to live without her. In the Hadith Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam is reported to have said, “There is no goodness in women.” This actually means that you will not be able to find a woman that is 100% perfect, there will be some deficiency in her, thus you will have to exercise patience with her.
Nowadays many items are manufactured from plastic. If we treat those items as we treat items manufactured of metal then we will break it, as plastic is unable to endure that which solid metal is able to endure. Similarly women are fragile and should be treated with care, else you will break her (i.e. Talaaq).
Displaying good character
Many people feel that they are having endless problems with their wives and the solution of the problem is to re-marry. That will not solve the problem at all, in fact it will make it worse. A person should display good character to his wife, which is the actual solution to the problem.
In the Hadith Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam is reported to have said,
يغلبن كريما ويغلبهن لئيم فاحب ان اكون كريما مغلوبا ولا احب ان اكونا لئيما
Women overpower an honourable man and a hard hearted man over power women, thus I love to be honourable, overpowered and I do not desire to be hard hearted.
A hard hearted person refers to a base person that is always over powered by anger. There is a great lesson in this Hadith. Many people claim to love Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam but are hard towards their women. A person that truly loves Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam will adopt a soft approach towards their women and display excellent character.
In another Hadith Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam is reported to have said,
انما بعثت لاتمم مكارم لاخلاق
I have been only sent to complete good/honourable character
Creation of women
Men should always bear in mind that the women have been created from the left rib of Adam u which is the crooked rib. If one intends to straighten this rib then he will certainly break it. So, one should take benefit whilst it is bent. Hadrat Maulana Umar Saheb Palanpuri R.A used to give an example to explain this point. Maulana said that a camel rider was undertaking a journey. After some time he decides to take the camel to a certain place to drink water where water is drawn out of the well. The system used to draw water is that a massive wheels turns which has cans attached to it. The water cans are filled with water and thereafter emptied in an area adjacent to the water. A camel generally drinks quite a bit of water. The rider tells the owner of the well, that the water cans that are moving due to the movement of the wheel is disturbing my camel therefore stop the wheel. Will the camel then have any water to drink? The camel will have to drink with all the disturbing noises in spite of it being unpleasant. Similarly, a man should continue living with the wife and deriving benefit in spite of her deficiencies.
Do we tolerate whatever she says even though her desires contradict Shariah. Hadrat Shah Hakim Muhammad Akhtar Saheb R.A used to say that we should tolerate them in regards to our personal matters, we should be tolerant and be patient with them. Hadrat Thanwi r says that if you request a woman to do something she will definitely delay in doing it, so one should exercise patience on such occasions. If she says something which displeases you, explain to her the correct method of doing things at a later stage. So in matters of the world be patient.
On the contrary if she is disobedient in the matters of Deen then the husband shouldn’t display any form of leniency. However, Mufti Muhammad Shafi Saheb R.A (the great Mufti of Pakistan) says that if a woman does not perform Salaah, nor does she adorn the Shari’ee Hijaab, then in our time and era one should advise her continuously and make Dua bit don’t be hard. The question that comes about is that how hard must we be when she is disobedient in the matters of Deen? The Ulema state that we should enquire the limits from the Ulema that possess the correct understanding of Deen.
The various categories of interaction with women
Hafiz-ibn-Hajar R.A the commentator of Bukhari Sharif has written under the chapter of Mudaaraat (kindness) towards women that showing kindness towards the women is an excellent and beautiful quality that indicates towards the good character of a person. There are three ways of treating one’s wife. The first is that you are kind towards her as she is kind towards you. This is called ‘Adal’ (justice or equality). The second is where the wife is kind but you are harsh towards her. This is termed as Dhulm (oppression). The third type is where she displays evil character yet you are good towards her. This is termed as Ihsaan (kindness) and it is the third type of attitude that is required. If the wife tells the husband that your mother is a witch then the husband should respond by saying that you mother is a fairy. When she utters nasty statements then the husband should respond in a kind manner.
One person went to the Nizamuddin Markaz and expected a five star treatment which he did not get. Therefore he had found many faults about the Markaz. He then visited a great Buzurg in Bopal and expressed his dis-satisfaction of the Markaz. The pious person told him, “if a pig enters a garden then it will never look at the good in the garden, rather it will dig out the filth that is buried in some corner.” The worst quality of a man is to continuously find fault of the wife.
Advise of Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam
In the Hadith Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam is reported to have said,
استوصوا بالنساء خيرا ، فإن المرأة خلقت من ضلع أعوج ، وإن أعوج شئ في الضلع أعلاه ، فإن ذهبت تقيمه كسرته ، وإن تركته لم يزل أعوج ، فاستوصوا بالنساء خيرا
Be concerned of being kind towards women, for verily women have been created from a crooked rib, and verily the most crooked portion of the rib is the upper portion, if you attempt to straighten it you will break it, and if you leave it will remain crooked, therefore be concerned of being kind towards women.
Hadrat Shah Hakim Muhammad Akhtar Saheb R.A says that a man may be a perfectionist but will he go to the hospital and request the physicians to straighten his rib? Similarly, if a person is driving on a road that has many bends then one does not straighten the road, rather he follows the road. Likewise a person should tolerate the crookedness of the wife and live his life.
In the Hadith Sharif we are commanded to fear Allah c in regards to our animals as these are such a creation of Allah Ta'ala that are unable to converse. We should not overload the animal but load according to the ability and strength of the animal.
اتقوا الله في البهائم المعجمة : فاركبوها صالحة وكلوها صالحة
Fear Allah in regards to the speechless animals, ride upon them in an appropriate manner and eat them in appropriate manner.
The same ruling will apply to our vehicles in this day and age. We should ensure that we don’t overload our vehicles nor should we use the vehicles in such a manner that we don’t allow the engine to cool off. When Shariat has commanded us to pay particular attention to animals in fulfilling their rights how much more shouldn’t we fulfil the rights of our wives? Many men treat their wives as slaves. She is our secretary, our banking girl, our maid at home, our cook, our driver that runs on errands dropping off the kids at school, etc. During the holiday season when many men are on vacation their positions are occupied by women and they feel proud of the fact that they are filling in for the men, merely because they are enjoying some attention and position and given the freedom of driving freely and access to a cell-phone.
Under such slavery the women eventually reaches a point where she will explode. This explosion is even worse than a bomb explosion. We should therefore not treat and use them as our slaves but assist them in their household chores. When Hadrat Fatima i got married to Ali t, Rasulullah g advised Hadrat Ali t to take care of the external work and Hadrat Fatima i to take care of the internal household chores. Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam used to mend his own clothing, help in cleaning and sweeping the house, etc. Unfortunately, we live in a world that is totally opposite to this and goes against the grain of Shariah. We make Dua that Allah Ta'ala grants us the realisation and grants us the Taufeeq of fulfilling the rights of our womenfolk in accordance to Quraan and Sunnah. Ameen!
Source = Khanqah Akthari